oh shit!

Dear Amanda: My mom is very strict about the use of obscenities, so I don't use them at home. However, I have become close friends with ‘Stacy’ and curse words are part of her standard vocabulary. I have been to Stacy’s house where swear words are normal among her parents and siblings. I know it's not right, but it's the way she has been brought up.

Recently, Stacy spent the night here, and my mother heard her swear. My younger sister was in the room. After Stacy left, my mother said she will not tolerate such "filth" and said Stacy is no longer welcome here, especially because she said this in front of my little sister.
Stacy is a loyal, caring friend. Her behavior is the result of her upbringing and I don't think it's fair to ban her from our house. I would ask her not to talk this way in our home, but I think she might slip up and sometimes forget. what can I do? –Zipped Lips in Greely

Dear Zipped: Well, as an avid swearer myself I don’t think ‘It’s not right’ to swear. It’s my damn right as a person over 18 to say whatever the hell I want. Frankly it’s yours too. Shit. Hell. Piss. However, when I’m in someone else’s home (my boyfriend’s folks, my mothers) you better believe I put a lid on the potty mouth. Damn. Fuck. And it’s a fucking struggle every time but it has to be done because it makes these people I spend time with offended and uncomfortable. Your mom has every right to say she’s not welcome but I do believe she’s being a bit of a bitch. Explain to your mother how it is in Stacy’s house and then tell Stacy to shut the hell up with the swearing when she’s in your home. I’m sure she’ll be a little embarrassed for offending your mom and work hard to speak more politely at your house. I then suggest you go to Stacy’s for a while and spend some time swearing. It’s fun. Give it a go.

Divorced versus singe

Dear Amanda: I have a simple question. When is it OK to stop saying I am divorced and start to say I am a single person? Unattached in Denver

Dear Unattached: Um, who says you have to say you’re divorced? I know I wouldn’t want that kind of thing attached to my name. In fact, I AM divorced but the second I moved out I became ‘Available’. Label yourself as you choose, no one needs to know you’re divorced.

Where's your man, lady?!

Dear Amanda: My husband, Ben is in prison and we're not sure when he'll be out. We have a great child together, Danny, age 11. We are allowed to visit him six times a month and can talk with him on the phone up to four times a week. Despite his incarceration, he is as involved as he can be in our lives.

I have a problem when meeting new people who ask where my husband is. We live in a small town and I don’t want word getting out. Plus, I don't think it is something our children's friends should know because they might taunt them. So, short of telling each person the whole story, what reply can I come up with when asked the whereabouts of my husband? -- NEEDS AN ANSWER IN THORNTON

Dear Needs: Now is a great time to make something up. Your nosey neighbors won’t think twice to ask again when you tell them your hubby is training alligators for CIA spy work in the Florida keys, or that he’s a traveling dog poop scooper guy. If they get a little too nosey just tell them he died in a cracker factory accident.

Night-time headache solvers!

Dear Amanda: i wake up with a headache every morning, what kind of pillow should i get?
-D. Robinson, headache Survivor

Dear D: Well, I'm not sure what kind you're using now but i like those fluffy feather filled ones. You could also try popping some ibuprophen before you head to bed, or really to ensure a relaxed sleep, down 2 Xanex with a strawberry margarita and BAM! problem solved!

Lady doesn't want to be a step-mom

Dear Amanda: I'm engaged to marry ‘Steve’ in August. He has a 3-year-old daughter, ‘Sarah’ from his first marriage. I moved in with Steve several weeks after we began dating and have been cleaning his house, taking care of Sarah when she's here, doing his laundry, cooking for him – all the wifey duties..
Sarah’s mom has made it clear she doesn’t want her. The woman remarried six weeks ago and has asked us to take Sarah. Her husband is loud, mean and abusive, so I don't think it would be safe for Sarah to stay there.

My problem is I can't stand Sarah! She's a spoiled brat. I don't want to be a full-time mother, although at some point I'd like to have a child of my own. I haven't told Steve how I feel because I'm afraid he'll kick me out. I don't think we can work this out because he loves Sarah, and I don't think he'd understand why I don't want to be her stepmother. What should I do? --Not a StepMom, Commerce City, CO

Dear NotaStepmom: Wow. You are just awful aren’t you? You were serious enough about a man to move in and start performing ‘wifey’ duties, you’re concerned about little Sarah but not enough to want to ensure her future by being a good mom to her. So she’s a brat! So what? Know what fixes that? Regular exercise and a regular ass-kicking. I mean she’s just 3 years old, there’s room for change! This girl may need you. Hell she may love you and see you as a mother figure already. Her own mom doesn’t want her around and we all know things like that can contribute to behavioral problems. I bet with a little love and a lot of discipline this girl could really straighten out and turn out to be a good person but your lack of understanding means this won’t happen. I suggest you high-tail it out of that household a.s.a.p unless you mean to be a real part of that family. I’m willing to bet they’re better off without you.